Giovanni Casanova (1725-1798) was an Italian adventurer, writer, soldier, musician, spy, and diplomat. Those accomplishments, however, have been historically overshadowed by Casanova’s reputation as a freewheeling sensualist. The term “Casanova” has come to represent a person of great sexual ability and indulgence.
The feeling that he wasn’t a “Casanova” and the thought that he should be, was what motivated Paul to seek my help. He was worried that he was letting his partner down sexually. Paul’s problem was not unique and it had an understandably common effect on his self-esteem and self-worth. Humans are sexual creatures, by nature, and the inability to enjoy healthy, appropriate sexual activity and/or sexual desire weighs heavily upon our holistic health and well-being.
When you are unable to enjoy appropriate sexual activity, your mind, body, and spirit feel off kilter because of your inherent sexual nature. You were born to have fun – and sex plays a large role in that. You deserve to have a regular, healthy expression of your sexual nature. It is fun and doesn’t need to harm or impose on anyone else.
Concerns regarding a lack of sexual activity, as well as a lack of sexual desire, are becoming more frequent each year. Consequently prescriptions for erectile dysfunction and low libido are growing at an astonishing rate. Perhaps part of that growth can be explained by a lessening of the stigma of reporting sexual problems, but we certainly know that the typical causes of sexual dysfunction are more common today than ever before. Putting aside diet and physical health, which can play a vital role in a healthy sexual lifestyle, the number one cause of sexual dissatisfaction is stress.
Stress-related illness is at an all-time high (and still growing), so it comes as absolutely no surprise that symptoms of stress are also prevalent. The good news for you is that we know what causes most of the debilitating stress you experience. Your stress is a direct byproduct of seriousness – taking yourself too seriously. As we move into adulthood, we unfortunately buy into the notion that responsible and productive people must be “serious.” As we make the biggest mistake of our lives and relegate our humor nature and fun to recreational activities (if we experience fun at all), we doom ourselves to all the symptoms of the corresponding seriousness that fills the void – declining health, rising stress, increased pain, lessened energy, impaired creativity, and more.
Even better news for you, however, is that we also know how to shrink your deadly seriousness to practically nothing and reduce almost completely the sway it holds over your health, vitality, wellness, and zest. The natural medicine of humor is an incredibly powerful resource that you already possess; you’ve only forgotten how to use it to maximum effectiveness. You will soon discover that, while not a panacea, the natural medicine of humor is a tremendous remedy for a variety of health concerns and will also supercharge other treatments because it is an amazing adjunctive medicine too!
I have distilled the natural medicine of humor, through my years of medical practice, into an amazing prescription I call The Fun Factor. Based on what I learned over twenty years ago from a terminally ill fifteen-year-old patient, I created a unique set of principles I call the Fun Commandments, then forged these Commandments into my Fun Factor prescription and have been prescribing The Fun Factor with great success for years. This report will show you how to use just three of my Fun Commandments to turn your sexual health and performance around, and gain new joy, pleasure, and appreciation from your sexual activity!
My first Fun Commandment has a profound effect on your sexual health because it is a fabulous introduction to the natural medicine of humor, in general: Go the Extra Smile. Smiling, as simple as it sounds, is a key to improved sexual appreciation because of its simplicity and almost constant appropriateness. A smile almost never offends and it is completely controllable, regardless of your circumstances; smiling is the easiest way to infuse yourself with the natural medicine of humor!
Smiling enhances your sexuality because it immediately decreases stress and fills you with energy and creativity. The best news about the positive effects of smiling is that these benefits are measurable even if you are wearing a “fake” smile. If you are thinking that lowering your stress level, while simultaneously snowballing your energy level and creativity, will add rocket fuel to your sexuality…you are absolutely correct!
Smiling has multiple benefits for your sexual health and wellness because it turbo-charges both your mood and your physiology. But smiling does another thing that accelerates your sexual satisfaction. It attracts reciprocal attention from your mate because a smile is an open invitation. Think of a smile as a happiness virus and you’ll soon realize that your improved sexual health, your reduced stress, and increased energy can be easily shared with your partner.
Another of my Fun Commandments that allows the natural medicine of humor to soup-up your sexuality is: Laugh with Yourself. Laughing with yourself is the epitome of self-acceptance, not self-denigration as you might’ve been led to believe. You cannot take yourself too seriously when you’re willing to laugh with yourself because you’re embodying the philosophy of taking yourself lightly.
Let’s face it, we are funny creatures and that’s how we’re supposed to be! Looked at objectively, our bodies are both fun and funny; the physical act of sex forces us to conjoin in some awkward and, almost, impractical ways. Giving ourselves permission to see the humor in our funny bodies and their functions eases the pressure we place on ourselves to perform sexually and our humor adds further fuel to our commitment to take ourselves less seriously.
Why wouldn’t we laugh out of sincere appreciation for our perfect imperfections and the funny physicality of sex? To not see the gentle, and sometimes obvious, humor in these things means we are taking ourselves, and our sexuality, way too seriously. It’s really all quite hilarious, in my opinion…we spend so much time, energy, and resources focusing on an act that takes less than 1% of our waking time. If we’re not careful this teeny, tiny portion of our day can dominate our culture and our personal thoughts! Not that you don’t have some good reasons to think about sex, but give yourself permission to gently laugh at your obsession and you’ll find some additional stress released.
The last Fun Commandment we’ll apply to your sexual health today is: Let Go Frequently. I always say that in life, as in juggling, success depends on how quickly you are able to let go. Also in life, as in juggling, we all have a tendency to hang on to things too long, even when they are no longer working for us. In this case, hanging on to our harsh expectations creates stress that deflates our sexuality because we are unable to measure up.
Society deluges us with images of youthful sexuality; it’s easy to imagine that everyone except us is engaged in passionate, daily sexual activity and we begin to feel that there is something wrong with us when our sex lives don’t match the Madison Avenue fantasies. Let go of those images today, because no one except you has the authority or knowledge to decide what your optimal sexual habits and practices should be. Your sexual expectations regarding frequency, sensation, and/or duration are only placing unneeded pressure on yourself and that pressure only creates more stress.
Let go of your expectations of performance too. Many of my patients and clients imagine they must achieve a certain level of sexual performance for their mates to be pleased. Nothing could be further from the truth. When you set expectations regarding outcomes, you set yourself up for failure because you are putting even more pressure on yourself. Let go of the end results; concentrate on the fun, joy, and love inherent in sex because that is where the true pleasure is found.
Let go of sexual frequency and performance expectations, smile, laugh with yourself, and go along with whatever unfolds as a result of your footwork today. If you can do these things you will be a very sexual, passionate creature and sexy in the most important eyes of all – yours! Remember that you are already perfect (perfectly imperfect) and you don’t need fixing. Instead of fixing yourself, use the natural medicine of humor to relax, smile, and enjoy the ride.
My patient, Paul, committed himself not only to these three Fun Commandments, but also to my entire Fun Factor prescription. He and his partner did not morph into Casanova’s…but they didn’t care because they formed their own definition of sexuality based on fun, joy, and love. Over time Paul and his partner arrived at an open, honest, and fun expression of sexual passion, based on my Fun Commandments, with a frequency and zest that satisfied both.
By the way, what you don’t know about Casanova was that his true value to humankind was not as a red-hot lover, but as one of the most gifted and authoritative social historians of his age. He spent his last years as a librarian, before dying of syphilis. Still want to be just like him? I suggest using the natural medicine of humor to find your own sexual identity and enjoy a healthy satisfying sex life of your own creation.